suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
