Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
