I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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