also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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