I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
