My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
