On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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