She went from zero to smokin in five shots
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
