Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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