I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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