Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
