he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
