So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
