it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
