i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
