Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
