he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
