Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
