life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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