i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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