I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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