the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Dick very happy bro
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
