Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
