doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize