it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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