ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
