I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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