my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
