My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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