i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
