He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
