we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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