she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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