Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
