**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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