I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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