Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
