Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
