So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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