I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
