Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
