YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
