billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Randomize
