Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
