The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
