I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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