Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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