he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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