so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
