I wish I only lived at night.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
