she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize