can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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