Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
