a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
