Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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