I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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