I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
