mondays should just be called national damage control day
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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