awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
