The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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