dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
