Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize