Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
