I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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