At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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