Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
