happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
