This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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