Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
