I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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