I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
