i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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