Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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