apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
