Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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