is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
