Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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