I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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