You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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