The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
