I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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