The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I need help removing her.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
