She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
