No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
