Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
