I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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