seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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