This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
