if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I am available for nakedness
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