when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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