Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
