you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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