saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
