Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
