I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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