I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
