the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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