gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Randomize
