I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
