so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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