Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
