tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
