i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
