Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
