kristin has been a bad kristin
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
