Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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