watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize